Normalizing and Desexualizing Kinks

People’s kinks are varied and diverse, and often trail into realms that they’re not interested in or comfortable with in real life. Porn, and other sexual outlets, allow us to explore these things with minimal impact on our day to day life.

However there’s certain people who crave for 24/7 lifestyle fantasies that sometimes involve not all partners realizing the full extent of what it is. While browsing on FetLife the other day, I stumbled across a group that was dedicated to one woman’s fantasy of being sexually harassed in an massively multiplayer online game (MMO or MMORPG).

She was looking for a guild that could be instigated against her, treating her like rubbish. She wanted this, truly, and I don’t doubt what pleasure it could give her, but at the same time I worry. I worry because in gaming culture, a lot of women are sexually harassed by men. There are still many guilds that won’t allow women because they supposedly cause ‘drama’, or aren’t as good players.

I see this response, of craving these behaviours, to be as a result of that. Sometimes when we fear something, or when a certain behaviour repulses us, we become fascinated with it and want to be engaged. There’s nothing inherently wrong with her having desires – yet the idea that only a few people in the guild would be aware of her desires seems like it would perpetrate the behaviour onto women that hadn’t consented to it.

By allowing these men to bully and sexually harass her, it normalizes the behaviour. If they were all aware of the fantasy and sexual aspects of it, I would be absolutely fine with it. Keeping it in the dark changes my opinion to one of trepidation, especially when seeking to ‘infiltrate’ a guild to fulfill your fantasies. Frankly, it reeks of selfishness which again isn’t a negative thing – within reason and confines.

We have a right to our fantasies, and to explore them freely with other consenting adults. If those involved in your ‘roleplay’ aren’t aware that it’s ‘roleplay’, it has the potential to normalize very damaging behaviours that may seriously affect others.

More on Femmedia:

Taboo Erotica – Some people have said that the reason for the ban on rape and incest and extreme bondage is that readers might get the ‘wrong idea’.

Women, Erotica and Rape Fantasies – Even though a large percentage of women do have rape fantasies, it still feels so wrong.

Infantilizing Women in the Name of Feminism – The assumption that this woman, and implicitly all women, would be happier if they weren’t made to suffer under the all oppressive male gaze is ludicrous to me.

One comment

  1. Jumwa says:

    On all my tirades about freedom and ending harassment or persecution of harmless individuals or acts, the one caveat that always pops up is about: consenting adults. Consent is always the core issue. And if people aren’t consenting, because they aren’t aware there’s something to consent to or not, it changes the whole picture dramatically.

    Consent is the difference between a beautiful act of love and a horrible violent crime. It can make all the difference.

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